Education is all about relationship-teachers in relationship with children; parents in relationship with children; and parents in relationship with teachers. The health of these relationships can positively or negatively affect the academic success of the child. And after all, it is all about the child.

Miscommunication is probably the biggest obstacle to a healthy relationship, and parents and teachers are no exception. Notes home disappear in the black hole we call the backpack. Telephone tag is the most popular game. And e-mails are easily put off or misinterpreted. Face-to-face conferences are the best way to build better relationships with teachers, but two obstacles face that meeting: lack of time and lack of understanding.

Teachers and parents are on the same team-most just don't know it. If parents and teachers are really to partner in the education of a child, they must first set the groundwork for a strong relationship. As much as parents would prefer that teachers take the first step in forming this crucial relationship, they shouldn't wait for it. If there are problems that need to be resolved, parents can follow these suggestions toward mutual resolution. Teachers do not receive enough preparation about how to work with parents, so keep this in mind as you nurture these fragile, yet important relationships.

Put aside the "Us vs. Them" attitude
Avoid lumping each other together in groups. That is stereotyping and does not foster positive relationships. Each parent can strive to break the stereotype by behaving and communicating in a way that says, "I am not like 'all parents.'"

Be available
A mutual complaint is that neither teachers nor parents seem to be available to the other. Each party must understand the restraints on his or her availability, but parents must do whatever it takes to become more available to teachers. If a teacher cannot reach a parent, a minor issue with a child can quickly escalate into a major one.

Be visible
Some parents have the mistaken "drop off/pick up" mentality. They rarely, if ever, grace the halls of their child's school. As a parent, make a conscious effort to see and be seen at the school. It's a good sign if the school secretary knows you by sight and is happy to see you when you walk through the door.

Be respectful
How parents talk to and about teachers tells children a lot. It tells them whether the teacher is worth listening to. It also tells them whether their parent values the children's educational experience. Tone of voice is also an indicator of respect. Model for children what it sounds like to speak respectfully to teachers. Often the message is lost when the tone of voice is disrespectful.

Be reasonable
Parental expectations tend to be unrealistically high for teachers and schools. Mismatched expectations can lead to frustration and disappointment on both sides, however. Allow a reasonable amount of time before expecting a teacher to respond to an e-mail or phone call. Ask the teacher at the very beginning of the year what he or she considers a reasonable amount of communication and follow-up, including response time, when it comes to dealing with your child.

Be accountable
Both parents and teachers must share responsibility for making the relationship work. Be willing to share with the teacher insights about your child's development in school or any family circumstances that could be getting in the way of his or her success. Follow up on notes, e-mails, or phone calls from teachers in a timely manner. Return items requiring your signature right away. Finally, follow through on any promises you made about your time, talents, or resources.
Both parents and teachers have a stake in a child's success. A good parent-teacher relationship requires frequent and open communication, mutual respect, and a clear understanding of what is best for a child. Building relationships takes time.

Know the school's policy for addressing parent-teacher disagreements
All too often parents circumvent the teacher and go directly to the principal when they have a concern about their child at school. Normally the school's policy is to contact the teacher first either by phone or e-mail, and then make time to meet with the teacher. If you do not find resolution, then involve either the guidance counselor or an administrator. Each school has different guidelines. It's important to follow whatever is prescribed. Not only does it show that you are willing to follow the rules, but that you respect the teacher enough to go to him or her first with your concerns.

Use discretion about when and where children or teachers are discussed
Parents congregate on the school's playground, in the parking line, at school functions, and often meet together as friends. School inevitably comes up as a topic of conversation and often children are right there. What begins as a benign discussion about the latest science fair project can quickly turn into a "teacher-bashing" session. Personalities are bound to clash. No one teacher is the perfect fit for every child. Parents can teach children how to get along with others, even teachers, by modeling respectful speech about their teachers.

Remember that teachers are people, too!
Both teachers and parents often forget that the other is a person with his or her own personal concerns, strengths, talents, weaknesses, family problems, or health issues. Until we take the time to get to know our children's teachers, we won't know what makes them tick or gets them ticked off! A teacher wrestling with chronic health problems or a difficult marriage will do his or her best to keep it separate from the classroom, but we all know that it is not always possible. It will bleed through at some point and it may affect their teaching. Parents can extend a hand of grace in these situations and try to be a help and not a hindrance to everyone getting back on track.

Take the first step to build rapport with a teacher
Contact your child's teacher at the beginning of the school year by way of a phone call, a note, or face-to-face just to introduce yourself and to let the teacher know you are always available to them if needed. Then after the first grading period, call again or send an e-mail checking on your child's progress and to see if the teacher needs anything from you to make his or her job easier. If your child experiences any difficulty, then it will be easier for both parent and teacher to communicate and work together as partners to combat the problem.

How to listen so teachers will talk
As parents we tend to focus entirely on the needs of our child and plow forward with the intent of making sure teachers understand their needs and are able to meet them. Communication is two-sided: speaking and listening. We spend more time listening than almost any other activity-more than reading, writing, or even speaking. When you have the opportunity to meet face-to-face with a teacher, use effective listening behavior: make eye contact, ask questions, and acknowledge that you understand what the teacher is saying. This will invite the teacher to share more of herself with you, and so begins a positive and productive parent-teacher relationship.